I recently finished this book on a plane and thought I'd chime in...
First off, it's infinitely better than Blades of Damocles (but that's not hard). Others have mentioned those particular issues elsewhere so that saves me from remembering. Storm of Damocles is easily readable and full of action, but it plays out like a Michael Bay movie with no substance behind it. This is the author's first book, and it seems he had trouble remembering details of of the background and the many, many characters. Seriously it seems like every character given a name is listed in the front of the book, even ones who are only mentioned as having died.
I started noting inconsistencies with details early on and once you start you just can't stop. Some fun ones (edited to be BBCode list format):
- Fireblade M'au is a Shas'el and pilots a battlesuit (which looks like O'Rymr's suit)
- Multiple Riptides have railguns
- Stormsurge has a raingun, then a blastcannon, then a railgun again
- Deathwatch terminator has a heavy flamer then an assault cannon
- Leonas has a combi-plasma, then a storm bolter
- Deathwatch marine about fight the manta changes chapter several times in a few paragraphs. (Howling Griffon, Lamenter, back to Howling Griffon)
And the Manta scene... I don't think the author got the sense of scale right, sounded more like a tigershark size to be honest. There were the usual typos and missingspaces between words common to GW books, but not too terrible.
On the plus side, he included a fire raptor in the White Scar forces. I love everything about the fire raptor except building one (I'm currently raising my electric bill through excessive heat gun use)
In the end I'd give the book a middling review. For all the times I complained to my wife about the details (and she didn't care in the slightest), I still enjoyed reading the book and I would definitely read his next novel... eventually.